


the day jeff knew he fucked up

by egg_murder



Category: EverymanHYBRID, TribeTwelve, Whispered Faith
Genre: Other, evan and vin are the closest of them all, firebrand is a dad, im sending a printed version to adam rosner, lee is a mom, noah has a fake daddy kink, reupload because ao3 broke because of the emojis, there is 0 marble hornets, vinnys nickname is an Archive 81 reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:17:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egg_murder/pseuds/egg_murder
Summary: (@jeffkoval) michael.bae added (@evanjennings64) knifedad, (@vinnyeveryman) boomboxfuckboi, (@canyouseeth) Damsel, (@tribetwelve) salt.bae, and (@firebrand) Firebrand to New Group





	the day jeff knew he fucked up

**Author's Note:**

> key:  
> noah - salt.bae   
> evan - knifedad   
> vincent – boomboxfuckboi   
> jeff - michael.bae   
> steph - Damsel   
> kevin - memedemon   
> lee – mom(friend)   
> firebrand - Dad

 

(@jeffkoval) michael.bae added (@evanjennings64) knifedad, (@vinnyeveryman) boomboxfuckboi, (@canyouseeth) Damsel, (@tribetwelve) salt.bae, and (@firebrand) Firebrand to New Group

(@jeffkoval) michael.bae renamed New Group to AC Concert??

michael.bae: So, I know you are all wondering why I brought you all here today.

salt.bae: i wasn’t wondering at all

Damsel: me either.

michael.bae: As I was saying, there is an Animal Collective concert on Saturday, July 15th, and I was wondering if any of you wanted to go.

knifedad: im down

boomboxfuckboi: I already bought me and Ev tickets

Damsel: i don’t listen to them.

salt.bae: neither do i?!?

Firebrand: I have other things to be doing instead of listening to psychedelic music, I’m not a hippie.

michael.bae: I take full offense.

knifedad: he aint lyin tho

boomboxfuckboi: ^^

Damsel: i don’t listen to them at all lmao

salt.bae: i can’t believe firebrand just roasted a whole band

knifedad: god it feels good to be a gansta

boomboxfuckboi: Ev, you are too short to be a gangster

knifedad: HEY FUCK YOU BUDDY

Damsel: i didn’t want to know your sex life

salt.bae: ooooooooooooo

michael.bae: ooooooooooo

Firebrand: oooooooo?

salt.bae: why is that a question

Firebrand: I don’t know

boomboxfuckboi: Why do I feel like Firebrand is a dad?

Firebrand: Because I save Noah from his dumbass decisions?

salt.bae: now it’s my turn to take full offense 

(@jeffkoval) michael.bae changed (@firebrand) Firebrand’s nickname to Dad 

salt.bae: pfffffFfFFfffffFff

boomboxfuckboi: You murdered Noah

knifedad: wow cant belive noah is ded bc of his daddy kink

salt.bae: wHat The FuCK

Dad: I just embrace the jokes at this point.

Damsel: what kind of yaoi shit is this?

Dad: Come to daddy, Noah Maxwell.

salt.bae: time to make my mecca back to israel guys

knifedad: take your daddy with you

salt.bae: i’d say the SAME to you

knifedad: ????

Damsel: what kind of shoujo love triangle is this?

boomboxfuckboi: ?

knifedad: but the big question is: who is the other dad or the mom

michael.bae: Lee

knifedad: ?

boomboxfuckboi: ?

Damsel: ?

salt.bae: don’t you **dare**

(@jeffkoval) michael.bae has added (@whisperedfaith) Lee to AC Concert??

Lee: ???

salt.bae: i am very sorry for this

Lee: ?? why??

knifedad: scroll up

Lee: ok?

boomboxfuckboi: He is in for a ride

Firebrand: ...

Lee: wHaT tHe fUcK?

Damsel: this poor soul lol

salt.bae: there is no good explanation for any of this

michael.bae: You are the only one with the daddy kink, so we don’t have to explain shit

boomboxfuckboi: Jeff, you listen to ASMR for fun

knifedad: eXpOsEd

Damsel: jeff, you are no longer my friend.

michael.bae: Dammit, I don’t have shit on Vinny or Evan.

knifedad: im clean bitch

boomboxfuckboi: i have nothing to hide

salt.bae: did we kill lee?

Damsel: think we did lol

knifedad: rip our newest member, he was soft and too pure for this shitfest

boomboxfuckboi: R I P Lee

Dad: I leave for a moment and Noah has already ruined his closest relationships.

(@jeffkoval) michael.bae changed (@whisperedfaith) Lee’s nickname to mom(friend)

knifedad: we gotta resurrect him

boomboxfuckboi: I don’t have any lambs blood on me...

salt.bae: i DIDN’t ruin ANYTHING!!!

mom(friend): sorry about that, mo needed something

knifedad: hes aliVe

salt.bae: its cool

bookboxfuckboi: It feels good to have a mom and dad

knifedad: smae

Damsel: same.

Dad: I’m not marrying Lee for this joke. (Sorry if that offends you, Lee)

mom(friend): i didn’t want to get married this young anyway? so it’s good

mom(friend): i also can barely take care of myself??? i now have like five kids

boomboxfuckboi: Sorry ‘bout that

salt.bae: im the dependent teen so you dont have to worry about me

Dad: Noah, you asked me about a math question for your homework about half an hour ago?

salt.bae: d A d nO

knifedad: ding ding ding daddy kink

boomboxfuckboi: You can’t deny it now, Noah

mom(friend): i’m going to bed, night everyone

Damsel: night mom

salt.bae: night, lee

knifedad: night momma

boomboxfuckboi: night, lee!

Dad: Night, Lee!

michael.bae: Night!

knifedad: f u l l y e m b r a c e t h e m e m e

boomboxfuckboi: *ok hand*

Damsel: lets not forget noah just called firebrand dad

salt.bae: p L eaS e n O

knifedad: noah is daddy kink 4 lyfe

boomboxfuckboi: You want to marry your knife collection, Ev

knifedad: and im A PROUD SUNNOVABITCH TOO

Damsel: kinky 

(@tribetwelve) salt.bae added (@observer) memedemon to AC Concert??

knifedad: who the fuck

memedemon: k e B i n

boomboxfuckboi: Nice to meet you, k e B i n

salt.bae: this is kevin, he’s a memelord

(@observer) memedemon renamed AC Concert?? to Roll a 5 or 8

Damsel: ??

memedemon: r o l l the meme di c e

michael.bae: Noah, what have you done?

Dad: Nice to see you, Observer

memedemon: h e y p o p s

boomboxfuckboi: I’m hitting Ev’s hay, night

Damsel: what kinda gAy shit?

knifedad: [image.jpeg](https://meme.xyz/uploads/posts/t/l-21586-pull-the-trigger-piglet.jpg)

knifedad: none of your gAy business

michael.bae: Who wants to bet they’re gonna fuck?

knifedad: im RIGHT HERE jeBB

michael.bae: And?

Damsel: i’ll give you 50$

Dad: $30

salt.bae: 69¢

michael.bae: ???

memedemon: 1 , 0 0 0

salt.bae: how the FUCK

memedemon: n o t t el l i n g

Damsel: mystery shrouded in more mystery

boomboxfuckboi: Good to know...

knifedad: 0$$

salt.bae: don’t trust anyone, not even yourself

Dad:[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHrLDcV6mL8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHrLDcV6mL8)

Damsel: i can’t believe dad just used a meme

michael.bae: Dad is more hip than I’ll ever be

knifedad: lol you were never hip

salt.bae: shouldnt u and vinny be doing the sex

knifedad: noAh the fucc

boomboxfuckboi: We are doing many things and fucking is none of them

knifedad: ^^

Damsel: so what are you doing then?

knifedad: listening to a podcast vin likes on my couch

michael.bae: #whipped

Dad: That was more innocent than I expected from you, Evan.

knifedad: i can do actual good things

boomboxfuckboi: Ev is the only one who listens to me when I actually talk about it, so get rekt folks

Damsel: did vinny just expose all of us for not listening to him?

michael.bae: I think so

knifedad: he said he is actually going to bed now

Dad: Make sure you rest too.

knifedad: hell force me to at some point

michael.bae: Isn’t Vinny your impulse control?

knifedad: yea

Damsel: i was going to say thats sad but thats actually kinda sweet

knifedad: gonna get off so we take in the cult

knifedad: see ya fucks later

salt.bae: cult?

michael.bae: I have no idea

Damsel: they are really sweet sometimes, but also they like to watch the world burn

michael.bae: Pffff

Skip to 5 AM

mom(friend): Morning everyone

memedemon: m o r n i n g

salt.bae: morning

michael.bae: Vinny and Evan were so lazy this morning they texted me and asked for me to bring them donuts and coffee

michael.bae: So I get them the shit, like a good friend and I find them in a fucking blanket fort half asleep

michael.bae: Evan is wearing Vinny's flannel and I immediately went "owo whats this" and Evan threw a pillow at me

knifedad: fight me bitch and no we didnt fuck its cold in my house

boomboxfuckboi: I can attest to the cold

mom(friend): i don't even know what to say at this point

Damsel: jeff, never type 'owo what's this' ever again.

boomboxfuckboi: It only got worse because he said it in the most weebish voice

knifedad: i filmed it

michael.bae: I fucking hate you

knifedad: join the club B)


End file.
